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 Fuhrer Blog Minimize

April 20, 1944

Politics is Hard!

Here we are 4-20 again and I'm not happy. What did I want for my birthday? Victory, the director's cut DVD of The Wall and to finally get my legalization bill through the Reichstag. What did I get? A DVD of The Wizard of Oz from Himmler and Dark Side of the Moon on vinyl from Goering and Goebbels, who split it 50/50. I know it's hard to do any shopping with all the bombing going on, but I feel a little let down.

As to the Reichstag, I kept my campaign promises, I gave you a really big war, went all out with the Anti-Semitism (And don't think I didn't get some tersely worded emails from the ADL about that.), and made Hacky Sack mandatory for all Hitler Youth. The career politicians still won't pass my legalization bill so a Fuhrer can relax and light up a little when the bombs are falling all night without worrying the cops are gonna bust into the bunker any minute when they smell the smoke.

And now the military is on me day and night claiming the Allies are about to land in France. Goering can't seem to stop the bombs any more than he can pass the pipe when his turn has obviously been up for like two minutes. Now Doenitz is claiming his u-boats are being sunk by tiny aircraft carriers built by someone named Kaiser. Didn't we get rid of our Kaiser? Why do they have one? Is there a Kaiser gap? If they have tiny aircraft carriers can't we just build tiny U-boats with tiny torpedoes to sink them? Do I have to think of everything. I'm gonna go spend the weekend playing Hacky at Berchtesgaden and hope this whole bombing Berlin thing blows over.

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 FDR Minimize

I don't normally sympathize with you at all Adolf, cause you're a douchebag and a genocidal maniac, but I hear you on the politicians. Back in '37 I tried to pack the supreme court when they blocked my legalization bill. All I ended up getting was medical exemptions, but hey I got a prescription. Again, don't think I care about your problems, we all hate you here, even Lindbergh's fighting for us now.

  

 Fuhrer Extreme Minimize

Yeah, I heard Lindbergh was fighting - in the Pacific! And your "Medicinal need" is that "Polio" you suddenly contracted after the '37 law went into effect. I bet some Americans still like me, I always had an admirer in that delightful Henry Ford for one.

  

 Hermann the German Minimize

I've been afraid to tell you mein Fuhrer, but apparently Ford has turned against us too. Some of those bombers that have been keeping you awake were apparently built by him at a place called Willow Run.

  

 Fuhrer Extreme Minimize

No way, that A-hole! I though us Anti-Semites agreed to stick together. Man I used to have a picture of him on my desk. I even mentioned him in the first edition of Mein Kampf. Who else is gonna betray me?

  

 Admiral Horthy Minimize

Um, sorry to bring this up old buddy. I've been meaning to send you a text. I just think things aren't working out right now. It's definitely not you, it's me. I just need some time to myself, maybe even see other alliances. Sorry I didn't call.

  

 Fuhrer Extreme Minimize

"You have failed me for the last time, Admiral." No way you're getting away with this. I am not letting the Russians get hold of your natural resources. They grow this paprika flavored stuff around lake Balaton, change your whole life. I am going to occupy your whole country and put the Arrow Cross in charge. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, "Admiral without a navy for the kingdom without a king."

  

 Man of Steel Minimize

No need to occupy the whole place, my boys will be there shortly. You just smoked your last bowl of "Magyar Red" you burnout loser.

  

 Fuhrer Extreme Minimize

Oh Come On! Is the whole world against me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I am not even going to try to deal with this tonight. Maybe I'll just kick back, try some of what is apparently the last Magyar Red in Berlin, and listen to my new record. Maybe I'll even watch that DVD. Hey, has anyone ever tried putting these two things together?

  

 Adolf Hitler Minimize

Current Mood: Angry, Tired, Anti-Semitic

Currently listening to: Dark Side of the Moon

Location: The Bunker, Berlin

Age: 55

Status: In a Relationship

Orientation: Straight, Aryan

Here for: Friends, World Conquest

Schools: Linz Realschule

Graduated: Not my fault, it was the Jews, I swear it was the Jews, I could have been a great artist if it wasn't for them.

  

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