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 American Independence Cancelled Minimize

Philadelphia - The American Independence movement was cancelled today, due to hostile crowds which prevented the delegates from putting forth any of their arguments. While some say the crowds were organized by the British, the protesters claimed to be ordinary colonists.

The American Independence movement was to have culminated today in a "Declaration of Independence". But attempts to draw up support for the bill at meetings around the colonies were constantly disrupted by Loyalist crowds who shouted down any delegate attempting to speak, thus closing off any discussion of ideas.

Thomas Jefferson of Virginia lamented the loss, "We wanted to bring democracy, a government of the people, where ideas would be shared reasonably and everyone would be heard, even bitter rivals. It was a glorious vision of freedom, but instead we seem headed for mob rule, he who is the least civil wins. I wanted to create something new, a country where every voice could be heard..." Jefferson was then unable to continue as cries of "socialist!, tryanny!" and "Nazi!" filled the hall here, ending any attempt at rational debate.

The protesters themselves rejected any criticism, "We just want to have our voices heard. The tryanny is anyone trying to stop us from having our voices heard by having their voices heard. Seriously, Jefferson is worse than Hitler, whoever he is."

Despite polls showing that most colonists favored independence, the crowds claim to represent the American people. The spokesman for the largest grassroots organization, The People who Love Freedom and Puppies and Babies, a group shown to be funded by the British government and chaired by General Cornwallis, has this to say, "Don't listen to polls and elections, the fact that we're very angry proves no one likes Washington, Jefferson or any of these so-called 'founding fathers' obviously the angrier we are the more right we are and we should totally get our way. Enough of this tryanny! Long Live the God appointed King George III!" The protesters then boared their privately funded ship HMS Loyalist and sailed on to the next town to spread their grass roots democracy.

 


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