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 How the Dinosaurs Died Out Minimize

Written in late 2007 after a Texas board of education member was fired for not being "neutral" on the subject of evolution. This piece was also inspired by Chick Tracks which teach children how there were dinosaurs on Noah's ark. And how Catholics and Jews and Lutherans are all going to hell for not being real Christians check it out, it's good stuff:

The following excerpt is from the newly approved Science textbook for Texas school districts. It is based on Intelligent Design theory, which is completely different from creationism and researched using totally proven scientifical methods and stuff.

Three thousand years after the earth was created (In exactly the shape it is today.) God noticed an increase in wickedness. People began to pay attention to liberal cave drawings and turned from their Christian ways. (Since everyone was always Christian back then. And White. And spoke English.) Some wanted the wealthy to pay taxes. Others sinned by giving handouts to poor people, which only made them lazy. Others lived in harmony with nature, rather than raping and destroying it. All in all God had no choice but to destroy the wicked ones. So he sent a big flood. And if the poor people didn't get evacuated on the ark then it was their own darn fault and certainly not the government's place to help them.

Anyway, Noah (Who was white and spoke English and never immigrated anywhere, at least not without the proper papers.) gathered all the animals on his ark, including all the Dinosaurs, who lived in harmony with people.

All went well for awhile, but then some of the Dinosaurs started practicing sodomy (Which they learned from liberal scrolls smuggled onto the Ark, because no one thinks of these things on their own.) Noah was fair and left them alone for awhile, because he knew God would smite them for being different.

But that was Noah's mistake. Once the Stegosaurus acted gay, the Brontosaurus, who'd never been gay before, thought "Wow, that looks like a tempting lifestyle, I'm totally going to be gay now." The previously devout Hadrosaurs saw this and suddenly started being gay too. Eventually all the dinosaurs, who'd never had a gay thought in their life before, couldn't resist the temptation of the gay lifestyle, which happens to ordinary heterosexuals, since no one is ever actually gay.

Noah tried to talk sense into the Dinosaurs, but they were corrupted beyond measure, even hosting a Judy Garland festival on the foredeck. The final straw came when a T-Rex came to Noah as the captain of the ship and asked to marry his partner, a previously butch, God-fearing, assault rifle owning Triceratops. This was too much, (Being both a gay and an interracial marriage.) and Noah had the dinosaurs thrown overboard, where the great flood buried them in deep layers under all the other sediment of the flood, to show future archaeologists how they fell from God's grace. And that's the scientifical, historicalogical honest truth.


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