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 Emperor Palpatine's Blog Minimize


Once again I've had to put my workforce to death for trying to organize into a union. Where did workers get the idea that  they had rights? All I want is to move construction at a maddening pace in a dangerous environment without spending anything on the labor force. How else is a madman supposed to make a profit? Who looks out for the little villain in this big universe?

Someone has to stand up to these so called "workers". Just because of a few thousand radiation deaths or trash monster maulings, they want "protection" "lunch breaks" or "enough money to feed their family back on the moisture farm". Am I responsible for these things? And what the hell is a moisture farm? If only I hadn't dissolved the Senate maybe there would be a political party dedicated to protecting ordinary Joes like me from evil unions and their outrageous demands.

I tried to fight back. On my first Death Star when they demanded health insurance and Sundays off I had the whole workforce put to death. The next group wanted bathroom breaks. Same result. It took 20 years to build that Death Star, but I never gave in. Now I have the same problem with the new one. It will never be done on time. Hell, it's only 2/3 finished. I don't care, I had the workforce killed anyway and hopefully with a good paint job everyone'll think it's supposed to look that way. Better than having to pay 10 dollars an hour for zero-g specialist welders. Damn these overpaid underworked government employees really want to live it up. Before I had the team leader put to death I demanded he promise there were no shafts wide enough for a photon torpedo to fit through. Ungrateful bastard mumbled something about an Aluminum Falcon. What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?


 Shi Huang Di Minimize

You got to hang in there, it's worth it.  I also had a few labor forces put to death, but man that is one really great wall, and that's what people remember.  Glad to see there still someone fighting for freedom in some Universe.


 Apophis Minimize

The reason they keep demanding a living wage is because you let them start out with a wage at all. The only way to run a profitable business is to enslave your workforce from the get go. Let em' get bitch slapped by the very visible whip holding hand of the free market then see who wants to talk about health plans.


 Imperious Leader Minimize

The future is robotics, workers you don't have to pay at all. Just keep it simple, don't go manufacturing supermodel robots that sleep with your enemy given half a chance. I just put a wig and makeup on one of the centurions when I'm feeling that way.


 Emperor Palpatine Minimize

Good advice my friends. Once I outlaw Unions, I'm going after all government regulators. Do you know the bastards want me to install railings throughout this universe? And OSHA's on my case about locating tractor beam controls over a mile deep chasm. Hey, that's what you get with cheap architects. The bottom line has to be maintained. I don't see how this could hurt me.


 Dr. No Minimize

The government's trying to make me pay for damages from that reactor accident. Why am I responsible? This government is way too anti-business. I can't be held responsible for every damn radiation leak. Truly I am the victim here. Wish there was a political party to stand up for the little guy like me in these unfortunate situations.


 Gowron Minimize

I can relate to all these problems. You think railings are an unnecessary expense? Try seatbelts. The government  wants to put them on starships, something about the folly of doing combat at warp speed and 50 g turns. Must be a federation plot, I don't see them using any of these "seatbelts" in their ships. As to reactor accidents, you have to watch it, or the hippies will come out and start criticizing nuclear power. Ever since Praxis exploded they've been trying to make us invest in solar and biodiesel. Can you imagine a Klingon Bird of Prey with solar panels? The Romulans would so laugh at us, and probably in front of the Rigelian women too. Might as well replace the ship nuts with a skirt.


 Emperor Palpatine Minimize

You guys have ship nuts? Man I want some. I would pay any money for that, I'm gonna hang them from my star destroyer and my Death Star. Keep fighting the good fight my friends. Let freedom ring.


 Emperor Palpatine Minimize

Age: Who can tell anymore?

Into: Women, if there were any in this universe. Sheesh, most planets in this galaxy are just one big sausage fest.

Status: Single but totally not gay, really. Really, really not gay. Shooting lightning from your fingers while cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West is totally butch in this universe.

School: Coruscant Technical University

Degree: Climatology. Seriously. It was an easy major considering most planets only have one. Did a lot of bong hits and not much studying. The Dark side is sooo much easier than the Jedi academy.

Goals: Absolute power. After that, maybe retire and open up a little B&B on Christophsis


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