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Monday, June 26, 2017 ..:: Pop Culture » Wilbur the Pig ::..   Login
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 Wilbur's Blog Minimize

Old Man Zuckerman's a Jew!?!

I just found out the Zuckermans are Jewish. Turns out they were never gonna eat me at all, they just wanted a pig to compete at the fair. My whole life is a lie and Charlotte worked herself to death for nothing.

Turns out I'm on the only kosher farm in Iowa. The sheep here are in trouble, notice there ain't no lambs around. And hardly a chicken come Sabbath dinner. But this pig is safe as can be. I'm not sure if it makes the Zuckerman's good people, but at least they don't kill pigs. But boy they sure did make jokes about sending me for bacon. I don't think that's very funny. I wonder what other secrets there are around this place.

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 Rodney Ram Minimize

Check, yourself if you ask me, you always seemed a little light in your hooves to me, just like your friend Templeton, who sounds like Paul Lynde after a couple of martinis.

  

 Templeton Minimize

Wilbur's lifestyle is whatever he wants it to be. As for this rat, I am making babies with the ladies whenever I get the chance. Old man Zuckerman's religion and Wilbur's personal choices are cool with me, my people have a strict tolerance policy ever since some of our kind were forced to work in Nazi propaganda films in the 40's. We've seen the consequences of intolerance and we don't truck with that. Eating garbage is way better than spewing it from your mouth.

  

 Mother Goose Minimize

Why my dear Templeton, I have misjudged you. You may be completely self centered, but at least you're not a total ****. As for that intolerant ram, just remember what his kind go through every year at wool harvesting season. Not to mention the silence of the lambs...

  

 Babe Minimize

Yes, never forget that the farm is a horrible place of slavery and mass murder. Old man Hoggett killed my entire family. But then he sang me a song, so that makes it all better.  I'm only kept alive as long as I please my master. Wish he was Jewish, or Vegan. Plus it's lonely out here. I'm the only pig with no one around but sheep to chase. And I ain't Scottish.

  

 Wilbur Minimize

I hear you on the loneliness. I think I would like girl pigs, but frankly I've never been able to try things out. I wanted to go on the internet and look at them, but I don't have opposable thumbs. And before you crack another bitchy joke Templeton, I mean I can't type. Stay kosher, stay vegetarian, and stay safe my domesticated friends. And be nice to spiders.

  

 Wilbur Minimize

Age: 1 year

Here for: Friends

Interested in: Vegetarianism, Kashrut

Currently Listening to: HAM radio

Education: The Barnyard

Goals: Meet one female pig

  

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